Maybe..just..maybe

Okay I'm back dashboard. Well after waiting for about 28 hours, I finally got my hands on our internet. My brother is really something you know, when it comes to the internet, it's hard to talk him out of it. Addict. Anyway we don't have classes today, it's practically a holiday. I stayed at our house holed up in my room. Earphones on, with full volume, listening to my playlist. Out of the blue something popped out of my head. Questions. I was wondering, why are there things that are inevitable? Why can't we stop certain things from happening? Why do we choose to do things that we'll regret in the end? Why can't we turn back time? Why does people die? Where do they go? Does heaven and hell really exist? Why do we fall in love? What does love really mean? Why is there pain in our lives? Why am I wondering these things? Where are the answers in my questions? How long do I need before I accept the fact that my ****** is dead? How do I ever accept that I won't ever see him ever again? How? Damn! I want to bring back the time when he is still alive, when he is still here with me, when my family is still complete. I just want to tell him I'm sorry about everything I've said, about what I've done. But now it's too late. My deepest regrets for being such a hard-headed girl. Damn! I guess I'd just sleep these through, maybe when I wake up tomorrow he'll be alive. Maybe this is only a dream...no nightmare...yes just a nightmare. I'll wake up soon. I will wake up! I will...

Maybe I'm right. Maybe just maybe I'll wake up soon.         -cee ;3

What my eyes can see...

;It's not bad being a girl. It's just who we are.

;Wow just watched Harry Potter VII (part1). So cool Harry and Hermione kissed. I'm kinda anti-Ron but it's him and Hermione, so what can I do? Sadly, nothing. It was also sad coz Dobby died.

;I wish the world is really this beautiful.

;Logan Lerman. Gosh! If I have a crush it'll be this guy and no one else. He's so damn cute! Aww.

;Taylor ♥ Taylor

;This one is for bets Jea with love.

;Something for myself.



;This is true! Especially the last one!

-cee :3

Me, ♥

Love was a former owner, but quiet is renting our house
It seizes my lips from speaking, but forms a sarcastic smile
Suspense now raised one of your eyebrowes
You ask me if there's someone else
I replied yes, hell yes
You asked me if it's another man, I said no
You laughed and say is it a woman, I say yeah
Surprisingly you asked for honey's name

And her name is me,
And she loves me more than you'll ever know
And I finally see that loving you and loving me
Just don't seem to work at all
So patiently, she's waiting on me to tell you
That she needs love
And to choose between you two, boy you know
If I have to chosse, I choose me

And she told me to tell you to never to hurt me again
Cuz if you haven't heard she's a bad chick
Eventhough I haven't been, no
Yet and still you try and test me by raisin' an angery hand
Put it down, put it down

I'm leavin don't try and stop me, (no)
I'm late and she is waiting, (yes)
My love for me is too much so I can't stay

And her name is me,
And she loves me more than you'll ever know
And I finally see that loving you and me
Just don't seem to work at all
So patiently, she's waiting on me to tell you
That she needs love
And to choose between you two, boy you know
If I have to choose, I choose me

Cuz she's actually formin' a threesome
And I'm happy that I can join them, and
There names are me, myself and I

And her name is me,
She loves me more than you'll ever know
I finally see that loving you and loving me
Just don't seem to work work at all
So patiently, she's waiting on me to tell you
That she needs love,
And to choose between you two, boy you know
If I have to choose, I choose me

She's waiting on me to tell you that she needs love,
Gotta choose between you two, and you know
And if I have to chosse,
I choose me, me, I gotta go with me 

; face the mirror that someone also deserves your love...               -cee :3

Footprints...

[One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene,he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonged to him, and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of foot - prints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child, I love you and would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you." ]


And as he settled me down on my feet just this very moment I was filled with strength, a different kind of strength something that I'm sure of will keep me up until the next down fall. As far as I knew when I looked down on the sand I'm walking with Him...There's only one set of footprints trailing behind us. But now as of the very moment there's again two pairs of footprints making it's way across the sand. And I hope I'll walk through a mile or even more than that. I may take a few quick stops but eventually I'll regain my composure and start walking again beside Him with my head held high as the scorching sun.


[This quote I found on the net surely triggered something inside me that I kept hidden all this time. I felt enlightened.]


It has been a long tiring day for me...gotta retire to bed soon and drift off to dreamland.         -cee :3

  You know that feeling? When you’re just waiting. Waiting to get home, into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day. That feeling of both relief and desperation. Nothing is wrong. But nothing is right either. And you’re tired. Tired of everything, tired of nothing. And you just want someone to be there and tell you it’s okay. But no one’s going to be there. And you know you have to be strong for yourself, because no one can fix you. But you’re tired of waiting. Tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else. Tired of being strong. And for once, you just want it to be easy. To be simple. To be helped. To be saved. But you know you won’t be. But you’re still hoping. And you’re still wishing. And you’re still staying strong and fighting, with tears in your eyes. You’re fighting.

You want to stop but you can't. No matter what, you have to keep moving forward. Move on with your life. Have you ever thought how life sucks for you? Well try to think how must life have sucked even worst for others. I tried to think over and over again that life is not only unfair to me, but to everyone who feels the same way as I do. I know God is with me all this time. I believe He had plans for whatever my life would be. But I also know the FACT that it isn't Him that makes my life any worst than anybody, it is just LIFE itself. So maybe I'm just a weak girl pretending to be strong. Trying to hide my own pains with smiles. Trying to be as jolly as ever. Laughing at the slightest jokes. Getting mad at simple mistakes.

  

  But this is me. I don't want to be perfect. But I do wish everything in my life would fall back into harmony, just like the way it was more than a month ago. I'm tired. Hell yeah I am. But I'll keep pretending to be strong if it's the only way make myself move forward with this life...with my life. I hate to admit but really I'm just a coward because I still can't...no I don't want to believe He is really gone. I know that TIME is the only thing that could heal this wound carved deep within my heart. I wish time would grant me something called ACCEPTANCE.

Someday everything will all make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.              -cee ;3

Apples : Girls ♥

“Girls are like apples...
the best ones are at the top of the trees.

The boys don't want to reach for the good ones

because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.

Instead, they just get the rotten apples that

are on the ground that aren't as good, but easy.

So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when,

in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait

for the right boy to come along,
the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree...”







;You don't get to choose when or who you meet, but you do get to choose who you hold on to. So choose wise.  


                                                        -cee ;3

Ice

 Something within me felt frozen. I feel like something carved in stone. I'm stranded somewhere in a vast field of space...of emptiness that slowly creeps inside me. Something consuming the tiny amount of heat left in me, like a candle left outside in a mid-summer rain shower, fighting for its life...flickering in every drop...and then dying when there's already too much water to bare.

  In life I know that there are those times that we thought of giving everything up. We were tired of everything, like all this time all we do is run without knowing where to go, we just keep running without any break, we were thirsty but we don’t have any water to drink, we wish it would rain so the heat in our body would evaporate, we want something to put in our starving stomachs. But none of them were available or one of them happened. We are exhausted in life’s cycle and we want a way out without coming in terms of death.

  I myself once felt like dying. Ok I just want to make it clear that I’m not an EMO or anything near like those who loves to feel pain so they cut themselves… Gosh! I’m even tired of feeling pain, well not the kind of pain you feel when someone breaks your heart. That’s still too silly for me. Just the pain of broken promises, pain of losing someone I treasure the most and as well as pain of breaking my own ego... Damn!

  I just want to forget everything, even just for a day_an hour_or for the least even just for a minute. I want to forget my low grades, my f***** gone to Him, and my incomplete life. Well, you may say i'm quite emotional but really I'm just being myself. This is me. This is my life. 

  Got a problem with that? Then you should haven't read my post in the first place...

                                                                                                                             -cee :3

Welcome to my LIFE

Do you ever feel like breaking down?

Do you ever feel out of place?

Like somehow you just don't belong

And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run away?

Do you lock yourself in your room?

With the radio on turned up so loud 

That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like

When nothing feels all right

You don't know what it's like

To be like me

To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked when you're down

To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

And no one's there to save you 

No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?

Are you sick of feeling so left out?

Are you desperate to find something more?

Before your life is over

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?

Are you sick of everyone around?

With their big fake smiles and stupid lies

While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like

When nothing feels all right

You don't know what it's like

To be like me

To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked when you're down

To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

And no one's there to save you 

No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face

And no one ever stabbed you in the back

You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay

Everybody always gave you what you wanted

You never had to work it was always there

You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked when you're down

To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

And no one's there to save you 

No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked when you're down

To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

And no one's there to save you 

No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life 

I did my best but it just wasn't enough...

  I tried hard but i failed. I tried harder...still, i failed. Maybe when i give it a lesser effort, i won't fail anymore. Just maybe i'm too exhausted about everything that had happened with my life to even bother with my surroundings. I need a rest, a break in my life to be exact. Yet i know none of that exist. After that unfaithful day, my outlook in life changed dramatically. And honestly i don't know why...well i'm not really interested to know why. It's just probably what the so called destiny wrote for me and there's nothing for me to do but accept it...

  After that day i decided to just maybe for once...not to bother with my life too much. I acted carelessly. I became ignorant about the fact that he's gone. Wishing it was only a dream and at the right time i'll be able to wake up. I tried to run from reality...i ran hard...but reality came after me in just a short period of time. So i forced myself to just grasp it tightly. Still i wen't on with my own mini-vacation i called "A break in my life". I took school for granted...well not totally but i chose to take a break with life...and school is part of it. Now i have to face the consequences of my own actions head on. There's no backing out now... I've done whatever i did. Period.

  P.S. I'll try extra harder next time...and see what the outcome might be.

                                                                                                                         -cee...ü

Confused...I need answers!

Why is the Earth round? Why can't it be of any other shape? Well I was wondering that if the earth's shape is oblong or heart...wouldn't that be cooler? Anyway maybe it was just meant that certain questions in our lives are left unanswerable..maybe we humans are really destined to wonder this planet, wondering about things that only exist in our wild and ecstatic imaginations. 

FRIENDS...What does it truly mean? Someone you could lean on? Someone who's always there for you? Someone who knows your secrets? Someone you could trust? Someone who'll fight for you? C'mon, I know it's not always like that...right?

You only lean on them when you can't take it anymore. They are there for you if you are there for them. They'll tell their secrets if you tell them yours. They trust you if you trust them back. They'll fight for you if you fight for them. 

But my own definition is: They are people who might insult you and hurt your ego coz they know who you really are. They are the ones that will point out your flaws in your face coz they want you to correct those. They are the ones who will treat you as their own brother or sister. They are the ones who are always hanging in there, somewhere visible, so when you need them, they'll be easy to find. Friends are those who could keep up even with your foolish acts and just laugh at them, yet they are also those who could hurt you in a very different way and in every possible way. Still it's hard to live without them...they, true are STICKers...ü

                                                                                                             -cee :3